Is your relationship in difficulty? Couples therapy is a service to support and strengthen your relationship. It may help clarify your feelings for one another, identify the difficulties between you, and understand much better why these difficulties keep occurring. When you have a clearer understanding and you are each equally supported and encouraged to make, this can help you decide how to proceed. The emphasis is on the wellbeing of the relationship rather than you as an individual, so it may be necessary to attend individual psychotherapy (usually with a different practitioner) alongside couples work, if your individual issues are having a significant impact on the relationship.

If you wish to strengthen your relationship and improve your communication skills with each other, couples work is recommended sooner rather than later. We can address any difficulties that have set in and establish positive and constructive agreements between you. This work will involve homework assignments for you to complete between sessions, such as practising new communication skills with one another, listening to each other more effectively, or spending time together in certain activities.

If one or both of you are unsure whether you wish to continue in the relationship, or if one of you does not want to attend therapy, then therapy cannot change this!

It may become clear in the course of the therapy whether or not your relationship has a future, and what you need to do to achieve your relationship goals. It can be challenging to face the truth of what your relationship has become, but if you both have a strong and equal commitment to make this work, a lot can be achieved.

Couples therapy is also available if you have decided to end your relationship and you need support to conduct the process of separation and making arrangements, for example for childcare. Mediation may then be effective once the emotional issues have been clarified, and you have agreed to some joint rules for how you will deal with stressful topics.

Joint sessions can be held face to face or online. The first sessions are often a process of identifying what the real problems are, before they can be addressed. The first session is an hour and a half, and subsequent sessions are one hour and fifteen minutes. The length and frequency of the couples therapy cannot be determined until we have agreed what you want from it, and how this might be achieved.

Couples therapy is sometimes less frequent than individual therapy to allow you time to apply the therapy in practice. Often, we may begin by looking at the type and quality of your communication and interactions and how you can make immediate changes that can help stabilise your day-to-day experience of being together. You are asked to undertake “homework” and report back on how it went, so that the three of us are all working together constructively towards the same desired outcomes.

Being in the room (or online) together with the therapist can quickly have an impact on your relationship, as you will start to see your interactions in a new way. The therapist does not judge or take sides, and offers a neutral, safe space for you to begin to make sense of what has been happening. The therapist will be looking for the strengths in your relationship as well as the problems that need attention.

Normally I will have a brief phone conversation with one or both of you, to establish whether it would be fruitful for the three of us to meet, and what the focus and intentions of the work are to be.

In our first session, we will explore the issues that bring you here and make a plan for the initial phases of our work together. We need to establish why we are here, what we are going to focus on, and what would be a good outcome for the work that we can all agree on.

Each session will involve an in-depth three-way conversation where each of you is respected equally and without judgement.

The frequency of couples work can be variable, depending on the goals and intentions of the work. You will be given assignments to put into practice, and usually a gap of two weeks between sessions allows enough time, but not too much. I may also see each of you individually for just a few sessions.

Fees for each session (75 minutes) are £85, payable in advance of each session by bank transfer, by credit card or Paypal, here or in person. Blocks of sessions can be booked in advance. (Please contact me first before making any payment).

If you would like the best value from your sessions, it really helps to do your “homework” between sessions, and apply what you have learned in therapy in your own real life situations. I recommend that you keep a therapy journal, and I have created a guided format for this, or just use a blank notebook.

I designed this unique journal format based on my experience of supporting clients to move through their therapy more easily. I have found that clients who follow this detailed, structured approach to journalling around their sessions move through their therapy faster, and are able to make changes with less struggle.

This type of journalling helps you clarify your own mind and help you engage with the therapeutic process more easily as it helps you be “on the same page” as your therapist. You can use it while you are attending psychotherapy, counselling or coaching with any practitioner.

You can also read more about journalling alongside your therapy in these blogposts